[Film] Sin City - take 2

Thought I'd take another crack at a review that reflected my real-time experiences watching Sin City. Here goes (beware spoilers):

Josh Hartnett is a real man.
That girl he’s with is a hell of a dame.
Bang.

Bruce Willis is a real man.
Michael Madsen is a complete asshole.
Bang.

Nick Stahl is a complete asshole.
That girl who’s gunna grow up to be Jessica Alba is gunna grow up to be a hell of a dame.
Those two goons are complete assholes.
Bang.
Bang.
Bang.

Mickey Rourke is a real man.
Goldie’s a hell of a dame.
Elijah Wood’s a complete asshole.
Bang.
Those cops are complete assholes.
Bang.
Bang.
Bang.

That parole officer’s a hell of a dame.
Jessica Alba’s a hell of a dame.
Bang.
Bang.
Drag.
That priest’s a complete asshole.
Blasphemous bang.

Elijah Wood’s wolf is a complete asshole.
Mickey Rourke is a real man.
Snap.
Elijah Wood’s a complete asshole.
Bang.
Kick.
Scream.
Bang.
Bang.
Cut.
Bang.
Cut.
Cut.

Those whores are hells of dames.
Bang.
Cut.
Cut.
Rutger Hauer’s a complete asshole.
Bang.
Mickey Rourke's a real man.
Fry.

Clive Owen’s a real man.
Brittany Murphy’s a hell of a dame.
Benecio del Toro’s a complete asshole.
Gurgle.

Those whores are hells of dames.
Bang.
Slice.
That Miho’s one hell of a dame.
Slice.
Gail’s a hell of a dame.
Clive Owen’s a real man.

Bang.
Bang.
Boom.
Slice.
Boom.
Slice.
Bang.
Boom.
Bang.

Bruce Willis is a real man.
Jessica Alba’s a hell of a dame.
Nick Stahl’s a complete asshole.
Bang.
Swerve.
Choke.
Bang.
Slam.
Bang.

The End.